Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
