some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
