I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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