I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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