The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
