I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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