Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
