You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
