You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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