it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
