And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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