I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
