he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
