you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's get the cat blown out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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