dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
