ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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