Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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