my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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