I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
