there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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