I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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