420 ftw
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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