That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
