im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
