I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
