3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
