we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
