so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
