Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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