Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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