I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
