No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
