you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
