glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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