i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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