Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
