I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
