Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
