My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
