Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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