I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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