That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
