guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
