Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When did angry sex become our thing?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
