Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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