last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my sisters under your porch take her home
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
