I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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