they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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