Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
there is glitter all over my balls
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