I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
