I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
