there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
