Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
