I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
where does the pee come out of this thing
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
