I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
