you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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