Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize