How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
