gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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