We named our party play list daddy issues
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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