problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
