I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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