Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
