I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
