You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
