I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
