please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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