Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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